Hard Times
by astroanna
Summary: A songfiction set to Matchbox 20's "These Hard Times" Happy Season Finale, everyone!


_Morning falls like rain into the city life  
There goes another night  
Losing my breath in waves  
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass  
And taking the strife from all our lives_

What a surprise, another night I spent drinking, alone. What was it I said?

"_When I'm drinking without you, what am I running away from? Hmm, one of those imponderables."_

Then I simply turn away, as usual, back to the business at hand. You have that look that says you know the score, even if I don't say it. You always know. That's the thing that annoys me most about you, that I can't keep secrets from you. Not really. One look at my face and you know exactly what I'm not saying. That's the reason I feel compelled to run. It's also what's kept us friends for so long.

_Everyone keeps talking  
They promise you everything  
But they don't mean anything_

_We may lose our focus  
There's just too many words  
We're never meant to learn  
And we don't feel so alive_

Stacey, my old team, I practically guarantee anyone I give a damn about leaves. God, Stacey. All she did was what she needed to do to save me and what do I do? Make sure there's no way she could possibly stay. She actually has a big enough heart to give me a second chance and I push her away a second time. You were right about me, Wilson.

I am an idiot.

_Say goodbye, these days are gone  
And we can't keep holding on  
When all we need is some relief  
Through these hard times  
Through these hard times_

_Move your hands in circles  
Keeping me hypnotized  
The power behind your eyes  
Move around your bedroom cursing the naked sky  
You should be here tonight  
But you stay alone and cry_

I am an idiot. So what the hell are you still doing here, Wilson? Why are you still by my side?

"_Why are you getting so drunk at five o' clock in the afternoon?"_

Because, you moron, don't you get it? It's only a matter of time before you wise up. You found her, Wilson. The one who wouldn't settle for less and just leave. She fought for you. So I'm going to do what I always do, I'll find the answer, and she'll live. And one day you'll wake up next to her and realize that you've become the person you always wanted to be. You'll realize you're happy. And the last thing you'll want is me in your life; a black mark in that life you wanted for so long.

_Say goodbye, these days are gone  
And we can't keep holding on  
When all we need is some relief  
Through these hard times  
(whoa) There's something missing  
(Oh whoa) You'll never feel it but you  
(Oh whoa) You're gonna feel it when it's gone  
When it's gone_

What the hell am I going to do? Damn it, I can't picture my life without being able to hop the wall separating our balconies and see you doing what you do best; care. Care about your patients, care about me. You're the only person in the world who can tell me I'm being an ass and do it 'with all the love in the world'. No one else in my life can say that to me and really mean it. I'm going to miss having that.

_Say goodbye, these days are gone  
And we can't keep holding on  
When all we need is some relief  
Through these hard times_

"House?"

Your voice is like a billboard announcing your emotions. One word and I can feel the anxiety and the compassion.

"Yeah?"

I can hear the tension in my own voice. I better keep it together. One of us has to and you have enough to worry about.

"What do you think? What do you think is wrong with her?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out."

"I hope so."

"Don't worry, Wilson. I know what she means to you. I won't let her die, not if I can help it."

There's that look again.

"She does mean a lot to me, House. I love her. But you mean just as much to me. You're my best friend. I'm not going anywhere."

"Damn it why the hell not!"

I feel myself rise to my feet, turning towards the window of my office to stare out of it. The words come out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"You have the chance to be with her, Wilson. To have a life; a normal life. You have the chance for a life without all my crap. Why wouldn't you take it? Do yourself a favor and be smart. Get the hell away from me."

"No."

The word cuts through the silence like a knife. I can't help but turn to look at you. Your face says it all. There's nothing there but determination.

"What do you mean, no?"

"I'm not letting you do it. You are not getting rid of me like that. I've seen you do it before and you've ended up miserable for it. I refuse to let that happen to our friendship."

"Damn fool-"

"I may be a fool but at least I'm not a coward."

Now you get to your feet and we're nose to nose like so often before.

"You're scared that I can only be with Amber or only be your friend. Forget that crap and trust me for once. If she dies I'm going to need my best friend. And if she doesn't I'll still need my best friend."

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

"I don't get you sometimes. Why are you bothering? Why are you bothering to fight for our friendship?"

"Why aren't you?"

"What?"

"You fight for your patients, you fight for your job, you fight to be heard. Every single time. Why is our friendship something you can just give up on?"

"I don't…want to-"

"But it's inevitable, right? I'm eventually going to leave so you need to beat me to the punch. That might be your game, but I'm not playing."

"You-"

"No. You have a choice, House. You always have a choice. This friendship is not in my hands, not anymore. It's in yours. You can choose to trust me as the friend I've always been or choose to run away like you always do. It's up to you."

There is a long silence as you hold my gaze.

"I need to check on Amber."

With that you walk out of the office, leaving me alone.

_Say goodbye, these days are gone  
And we can't keep holding on  
When all we need is some relief  
Through these hard times_

As Wilson sat by Amber's bed, House walked though the door, quietly closing it behind him. Without a word he took his place across from Wilson. The two looked at each other, then turned their attention to the injured woman. For some time neither man said anything, but both knew they were exactly where they belonged.

A/N: So I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too amped for tonight's episode...unfortunately I won't be able to see it because I'm working! sigh

Anyway I was listening to the radio and because I have House on the brain I was inspired by this beautiful Matchbox 20 song...hope you all lilke it! :)


End file.
